Turned out I wasn’t alone. Everyone I spoke to said the same thing. The circumstances were different but there was a lot of pain, anger and frustration this year. Confusion. The arghhhhhhhh! feeling. Not knowing what to do...
Many bloggers I follow also shared the same wounded feeling experience. With so much going on in the world...our hearts were hurting. People dying, crazy politics, parts of the world burning, injustice in so many forms, self-doubt on a whole new level, souls aching....
Leaving us wondering...when will this year end already?
I realized there is one saving grace of this year though....and a dear friend taught me this.
Can I share his story?
His name is Sheraz. He's kind of amazing. Super tall, full of life and we grew up together from the time we were both so little. He so much taller than me now though and while, we're SO incredibly different....he's taught me so much about what it means to bare your soul.
Each year, alongside me, he grew a little taller, a little stronger and if you see him now in all his glory, he's filled with leaves and massive! Rising over 20 ft high with many strong branches coming from it's huge trunk leading to even smaller branchers, leading to all the leaves that makes him full and bright.
A few years ago, though, Sheraz was hit by lightning and almost split in half! It seemed like his time was done but fortunately, Sheraz was saved and just some of him had to be cut off so the rest could survive. There are so many metaphors here but there is one that really stood out to me as I saw him this winter.
See when he's filled with leaves, he's still so lush and grand, you think he’s exactly the way he is in original glory. You would never even know anything happened.
Yet, this winter, during my visit to my childhood home...I saw Sheraz with no leaves. Standing there.
And then I noticed the branches that had been cut. Just stubs at the end. The part of Sheraz no longer there...struck by a Divine Storm to leave him looking different. Still himself, but not the same And yet allowing him to thrive...in a different way.
I reflected on how each winter...as the weather gets cold, as animals go into hibernation, and as the final leaves are shed from all the trees.
We are left in a hushed slience...
Seeing all our wounds exposed and wishing we could run away from them. And yet there is no where to go as we are cold and left to truly reflect.
Feeling Vulnerable. Agitated. Wishing the realities of our life would change.
We can't hide beyond the false pretenses of being ‘perfect’ because we have no choice but to see ourselves as we are.
And yet, this is the time...
If you see who you are...
if you accept who you are...
when you have nothing to hide behind..
then who you truly are will emerge.
Because the spring will surely come. A chance to start fresh and for the buds to blossom, the animals to come back into full harmony, and leaves to grow again in fullness. And we will too.
The saving grace at the end of this strange year, is this knowing and accepting. It’s ok to sit in the heavy feelings because they're a part of you are. A chance to learn who you deeply are. And that it's ok to grieve the strong branches of you...hit by the Divine Storm. The ones still injured or gone all together.
This is the time where you MUST reflect on who you are, as you are, in your barest form.
What was it about this year that made you so ANGRY?
What did you YEARN for immensely?
What was your greatest REGRET?
What did you WISH your life would look like that it doesn't?
What LOSS did you face?
What DISAPPOINTED you?
The saving grace in these deep questions is the learning of who you are. ALL of you. Not just the 'good' and 'happy' stuff.
To really flourish, you have to nurture your self. Watering all the roots of your self knowing each one is vital to grow.
You may not know what will grow...what fruits will bear sweetness, what flowers will blossom...but you have to trust, they will. And they will ALL be beautiful.
For now, it’s time to feel the feelings. Trust me, I hate it too but you don’t have to do it alone.
Share your biggest challenge in the comments below or send me a note at Shazia@TheLifeEngineer.com and I’ll send you a practice to release and let go.
I see you and ALL of your beauty.
p.s. If you're ready to be your real self and see what's waiting to blossom, let's chat! I am opening up my spots for one on one coaching in the new year. You can apply for a complimentary coaching session here to get clarity about what you want, what’s been holding you back and a powerful next step to move forward. Apply for your complimentary coaching session - It's YOUR time to live your best life.
p.p.s. I have a special surprise I'm going to release next month! It's going to change your life and I can't wait to share it with you! If you want a sneak peek, send me a note at Shazia@TheLifeEngineer.com and I'll tell you the secret. ;)