Chotu Sonu, meaning little love -- that's how I remember him. It was this same day one decade ago that he came into this world and left it just a few hours later. How he came into our world with his tiny fingers, tiny toes, and perfect little nose. What it was like to hold him and watch him breathe and stare into this being that I loved so dearly with all my heart. Feeling that first moment a mom gets with her child and feeling an infinite amount of love and motherness that is indescribable. What I can say is that I knew in that moment... all doubts I had on whether I was a good mom went out the door.
I knew from the instant I held my Chotu Sonu that I was the BEST mom to my baby boy.
While I didn't get to raise him, I still hold onto that. I'm a mom. An amazing mom and one who gets to still feel her baby in her heart. Who knows that he's a naughty one in heaven. I get to tell him to be good and laugh knowing he's giving the angels a good workout each day running after him. Knowing his personality is loving and inviting - always the leader to welcome all the other children who come sooner than expected back to heaven. That when I tell him to send a hug to those who pass away, young and old, that he listens and also makes them smile.
This is how I view the unseen world in a place where our souls will go one day. And that I will one day meet him again. It warms my heart that in the meanwhile, he's in the best care under God's love and space.
It's a blessing I don't take lightly and why I don't cry as often as others would expect. There are nights I do of course, the nights I feel lonely and wish he was here to hold. Or the times I wonder what the purpose of my life is without him.
But mostly, I feel so favored that God chose my son to be in the best place. And that I will join him as will his dad in Jannah (heaven).
As this 10th birthday approached, I thought a lot about what I wanted to do to make this day special. How I could record an episode dedicated to my Chotu Sonu. Or do something ceremonial but when today came, I felt into what called to me and like all things in life, God sent a message through Divine perfection.
The first thing I woke up to was a dear friend Nabila having her baby boy TODAY. Her son and mine sharing the same birthday 10 years apart. New life coming into this world. My heart melting as I still remember at my son's funeral, Nabila giving me a hug filled with so much love.
Then not even an hour later this morning, I got news from a dear neighbor that his mother had gone to the ER...followed by a text a few minutes later that she had died. Another life that left the world today. His mom and my son sharing the same day of death.
It left me reflecting all day on the nature of life and death. The cycle of it.
That as one day someone may die...in that same day, someone is born.
That life here is temporary.
Time is more than what we understand.
Existence transcends what we can see.
We aren't just of body and flesh but a soul that will always be.
It's incredibly deep when you start to ponder life...
So I will leave you with this. During our time here, it's important to remember the depth of each of our lives.
What REALLY matters.
Because we only get ONE human life. While in it, we have the opportunity to get mired in the mundane or celebrate the majestic. The fact that we are EXISTING is a miracle. Our soul brought here for a reason.
With that, I ask you, Beautiful, to reach out to someone you love dearly today. Tell them how much you love them and what they mean to you.
To connect beyond just mere words and connect between souls.
Sharing your love with your loved one would make this day so special to me. How absolutely perfect to remember my 'little love' by spreading HUGE love. :)