That perfect gift just for them...
and when you gave it to them, they were like,
"Oh, no, no, no. This old thing?"
You would kind of just stare at them in disbelief -- right? You just gave them this thoughtful gift, and they're telling you it's, um, yuck.
Sound far fetched?
I feel like this happens all the time and the gift of choice?
Yes, compliments. Someone saying...
"OMG, love your outfit!"
"You look so nice today"
"Wow, did you do that <insert amazing thing>?!"
"Your eyeliner looks fantastic!" (admiring how you applied it so evenly)
A compliment is a compliment, and it's a gift that somebody is giving.
But for whatever reason...
call it society,
call it our upbringing,
call it self-esteem,
call it whatever you want,
Compliments seem to get the middle finger most of the time.
Instead of accepting it and receiving the love that somebody is giving you,
this amazing and wonderful gift...
instead it seems widely accepted to just be like,
"Oh, no, no" or
"No, this old thing??" or
downplaying it all together with the ever popular --
"Oh yeah, I got this super cheap!" Then proceeding to tell them where and how much you got the item for. (you know who you are, hahaha!) This one can be fun and I still can't help sharing a great deal.
If I'm honest with myself, though...it's a subtle of downplaying my own value.
Can I share a funny(ish) story?
I have a lovely friend where everytime I would give her a compliment, she would look at me, and say, "NO. STOP IT!"...and yell at me. seriously!
I would look her straight in the eye, and say "Just say thank you. That's it."
She would laugh and be like, "okay, okay."
Then the next time I would see her the same thing would happen and she would be like "I KNOW. I'm working on it. It's not that easy."
At this point we just crack up about it, but that's how ingrained it can be and it's not always easy.
Here's another perspective, just for a moment.
When I give someone a compliment, it's coming from a sincere place, and I want them to feel the love I'm sharing. I want them to see the beauty that's within them. When they dismiss it, it actually hurts.
It hurts me as a gift giver. Maybe the deep truth is they accepted it internally, but couldn't say it externally. AND that's the real hurt...watching someone I love not value themselves, through and through..
You want a tip about what to do here?
When you receive a compliment, say "Thank You".
It's really as simple as that.
For extra credit and life saving abilities -- Breathe & Smile. You don't have to fill in the space about why it's not true or reject it. Even if it takes every ounce of you to muster this, just try it. For the sake of the other person, of course. ;)
Then feel what it's like to receive the words and the smile they share --
Give yourself that value. You deserve it!
And sure, it's nice to pay a compliment back as well (if you want to), but give the space to yourself to receive first.
Ready to spread the love? In the comments below, take a moment to compliment someone you love. Share it with them and see if you can get a thank you! I'll also share a compliment in turn.
Time to get this love fest on!