I remember when my life was falling apart.
In my limited thinking, I couldn't imagine life beyond “pretending” my life was good for the sake of everyone else. It’s so hard being an Indian, Muslim girl with social pressure and that along with the immense pressure I put on myself. I was so good at pretending, in fact, my friend called me Jedi Master. I could show up to any party and look completely put together even though inside, every part of me was in shambles.
And I went on like this for years. Desperately clinging onto what I knew deep down was not for me.People would tell me, you deserve more. And I would push back saying I didn’t like the word “deserved.” That it was too entitled. Who was I to deserve anything? This was my life and I had to accept it. I had gotten so sophisticated in how I was protecting myself. And this protection did nothing more than just keep me in a story that was not true.
I remember there was an event called ‘Enter Your Heart’ in DC in the Fall of 2013. I remember being so apprehensive about going. I had never done something like this and it was a lot of money for me at the time. I found so many reasons why I shouldn’t go like it’s a waste of time, it’s too much money, and it probably won’t be anything anyways. “I don’t need this, I’m fine. This is just one of those things to get people to come and feel good but not actually do anything. Yeah -- this is probably some scammy kind of thing with a bunch of weirdos.” Yes, I thought that - I admit it.
But gnawing away at me, there was something deep down that I was so curious about it. I felt drawn to it even though everything up until this point was the same ol’ story for me. Just don't do anything out of the ordinary, lest you ruin your perfectly pretend life.
Did I go?
Yes or No?
I hope you guessed I went.
And I hope you wanted me to go. Because I would want me to go.
That event changed my life.
Now, I would yell at that part of me and be like:
GOOOO, you crazy lady who’s wishing her life would be better but just sitting there and not taking a big step that could have a real impact.
GOOOOO, because the money will be spent somewhere no matter how much you’re trying to scrimp and save and guess what, this is actually the best investment -- YOU.
GOOOOOOOOOO, because YOU ARE WORTH IT.
So what happened?
Well, we did a guided visualization there and it was the FIRST time I experienced what life could be. The first time, I allowed myself to dream without holding back.
And the vision was so incredibly clear. A beach with turquoise blueglass waters...shallow to the sandy bottom. Behind it were big mountains tall, standing firmly. All my loved ones lived nearby. As I stood on the sand, I felt free and content. My dress blowing in the light breeze.
And the message that came...only Divine guidance at it’s best when we listen to our heart.
Trust. Everything will be just fine.
I remember that exact feeling where stress just melted away and I finally believed that God wanted SO MUCH for me.
I decided I wasn’t going to stand by as my life passed me by, just waiting and faking. I was going to start walking because hellz yeah, I wanted that moment of sheer beauty, loved ones, and absolute contentment on the beach.
So what’s the end of the story? Well, the beach home is still to come although I’ve been to the beach numerous times since! Everything else...yes, it’s come to fruition. My vision of myself 10 years out is already here and it continues to grow.
I continue to trust. Even writing this today, scared the bejeezuz out of me. But I had to push through and share that Life is meant to be so much more.
so much more than the mundane
so much more than the rat race
so much more than the non-stop stress
so much more than having to grin and bear it
so much more than, this is just what is meant to be
Push that ish aside so you can live life. Love Life.
What are you going to say YES to for yourself? Include your comment below and I’ll add an exclamation point to that YES! :)
p.s. If you want to go deeper and explore where you want to be in your life, let's chat! I coach women to find their clarity and step into their confidence...even if that seems like a far away notion! See how your life can transform -- more easily than you may imagine! thelifeengineer.com/transform